Decisions that aren't Mine to be made

I feel a bit useless.

Maybe it's because my good friend went behind a lot of people's backs and did something that we all do not approve of. There is nothing we can do to stop it and apparently, our advice or input would not have mattered if we had been able to have a say in it.

I feel a bit useless.

What Is To Be

It wasn't until yesterday as I was flipping through a Taste of Home catalog when it dawned on me -- have I really gone this far and not had one of those reality checks? But even doing so, it just makes me turn into this almost-depressed whiny girl with a glisten of optimism for hope.

The pictures in the catalog of the great Napa scenes and surrounded by the presence of a couple of married folks and girls with boyfriends... you know, its like this unwarranted emotion that wears you down. Its when you look over and your very best friend gets that E-Z Bake Oven you've always wanted, you can't help but be jealous and act happy for them at the same time. So I've now been dreaming of the styles, the decor, the house and the view... the potential husbands and even the dream jobs. It is a scary thing when my current career field doesn't even register into the vision. The "glitz and glamour" that accompanies the bomb-dropping description is losing its sparkle which really worries me. I just wish there was a way for me to stay motivated because having myself try to convince me seems to be a battle I am slowly losing.

They say surround yourself with good people, I am doing my best... but what do you do when they are growing up around you faster than you are and you're still in college?

The Light

Is it innocence we see?
Is it what we hide that is "exposed" at day?
For it is the light that falls into revelation...

It is at dusk where second face is left defenseless.
As it is, the light that shines over all now shines over few.
Very different, but wrong of honesty and vulnerability.