I hate it, but its true

None of the following was written by me, but it might as well have flowed straight from my brain onto the keys, so thanks star for writing it down for me...



March 24, 2006

Wow. I forgot how much I enjoyed those late night conversations, where you express your deepest feelings of how the members of the opposite sex can make life miserable. Pretty amusing. I had an epiphany at 4am while I was at the math emporium, pulling an allniter. We’ve existed together since the beginning of time, and yet we don’t understand each other at all. Guys think girls are nothing but greedy bitches, and girls think guys are assholes only looking to get laid. I can't help but feel suffocated by some girls who seem to only care of the most trivial aspects of life, so I can feel where guys are coming from. But guys also have a way of being overconfident in knowing what we want. Yes, there are those few exceptions where individuals find the love of their life on the first try, but it's rare.

For most of us, we spend our lives either settling or constantly yearning to meet someone who comes close to our incredibly high expectations. Because, if you’re not willing to settle, then of course, you’d wait forever for that perfect someone. But, that perfect someone doesn’t appear, because if you think they are perfect, then they should be out of reach, right? Of course. If they’re tangible, then they can’t possibly be good enough.

Funny, how we don’t realize the games we play. Games we play with other people’s lives. And all along you thought you were being real, when you could not be more fake. Strange, how you can be jolted out of indifference when it comes to the emotions that touch your heart. It has to be the most amazing thing when you realize that you don’t want to take your emotions for granted. But it’s the hardest thing to let people know how you feel about them, because that would put you out there, vulnerable. And it’s hard to be vulnerable when you’re so used to being so strong.

Sometimes, you have to will those “mean reds” away, and stop being afraid of feeling something real. Because pain lets you know that you’re alive and not just existing. How sad would it be if you went through life not knowing true love. The kind of love that can kill you inside if you’re not careful. The kind of love where you don’t want to be careful, but would rather die than live without it…

As someone once told me, we’re all either empty shells or occupied solids. When are we ever fully available? We all have histories. We all have emotional baggage. And it is too hard to leave those painful memories behind, but why would you want to, when they’re so ingrained in who you are.

I’m so sorry, if you’re an empty shell, and what I’m saying is going over your head. I’m so sincerely sorry…



~Star