First hangover of the season

Lots of rockiness in the past few days.

I know how it is with drama... if its not about you then you're perfectly obligated to talk about it with other people "not involved", making it somewhat of a sport or fun argument between friends. But its really amazing how you can feel the vibe or an odd "awkwardness" when you know you yourself are experiencing drama--or dating problems--and nobody...NOBODY talks about it in front of you, but you can sense that they do when you're not there.

Recently I broke up with a guy after about a month and some change of dating. But bitter, confused feelings have caused my emotions to go on rollercoaster rides and honestly, even though there is nothing exciting going on with my line of work at this moment (not being classed up and just really sitting around), I would still rather not be experiencing such turmoil around me.

I'd like to say that my heart still belongs to someone else, despite knowing and accepting the fact that things may never go back to the way they used to be... but that's just my problem. I want to, as Paula DeAnda says in that song of hers to "walk away" and move on. It seems though that I've got to get past this, and I know that I need to find something else to distract me. I wanna say damn to my private issues.

I know what I want. But then I don't know what I want.

My fickleness has now followed me into my personal life. It's like a disease I can't prevent.