The Spirit of Giving

Finished.

Two thousand eight is now behind us, the end of the millennium's first decade. I have just returned from an unusual New Year's Celebration, arriving at a DC club with only ten minutes left of the year to prepare. The dj didn't even give the people fair warning, as only the observant Asians were paying attention to Ryan Seacrest on TV and the countdown to 2009. But surrounded by only a few friends and relatives, standing in a sea of colored skin, I was able to enjoy myself and the fact that a new year has started its imprint into our fragile little lives.

So what do I have to look forward to? Well, as per protocol, I rang in the new year single. As sad as it may look, this doesn't bother me. It's Valentines' Day that I worry about. Luckily, I have two months remaining in that endeavor. Must not get too hasty, though! The good thing about this is (and always a good thing) is that I still can afford me. I can make my single independent pay and enjoy what I want to do when I want at my own expense. For that, I am grateful. Sometimes, even when I think my sibling stares at me as if I was a giant walking dollar sign, I chuckle a bit.

Because I am still able to give to others, I still have an opportunity to send an easy dollar or two to the family I never get to see. We finally figured out the webcam here at home and to see all of their young faces (about 10 of them at a time it seems, most under the age of 5), I feel lucky that I can still contribute to my own relatives. Plus, this Christmas, my very own cousin Karen decided to start a mass email to all the Rigos-Rigos which will, in fact, make us even closer and aware of who we all are. Facebook (thank god for that) started most, but to figure out how our enormous family tree works, we now have the resources to find out more about people who are very far away from us.

So, with 2009 now here, my goal is to remain frugal as ever, thinking of others instead than myself, and to learn to let things take its course. I cannot control most things, so rather than not allowing others to learn for themselves, I must do the opposite. 2009 will also be the year of the "other"... in more ways than one.

Tuesday, December 09, 2003

i'm waiting the day
my mascara is smeared
but for some reason it doesnt change
its time to cry in the rain
running my hands through
i've memorized your fingertips
but for some reason it doesnt change
its time to cry in the rain
could you give me my sword
you'll have the shield
then stars will shoot down from the sky
running i'll come through your window
and we'll dance
in a reverie i see
it'll be just you and me
and the promise i take will be bliss
for to these are just sands
passing only of glass
and i cant realize where i'm going

Surgery Season

I finally did it! I got my eyes fixed with PRK (Photorefractive Keratectomy).



Drops drops and drugs.... a speculum kept my eye lid open, a patch on the idle eye. I stared a blinking red light while they brushed, sponged, lasered, watered, and lensed my poor, defenseless eye.

The difference between getting LASIK and PRK is that LASIK requires less recovery time and a flap is cut on the surface of the eye which heals faster. In PRK, they use a brush (picture a Sonicbrush, you know, the toothbrush) to scrape away and make the distance of light from the back of my retina to the cornea shorter. Then after that abrasion, its to heal over time, a little longer than LASIK. The Aviation Navy grounds me for a minimum of 3 months as opposed to 2 weeks in LASIK. However, I couldn't get LASIK because it still isn't approved for aviators due to the lack of research study for its effect on visual acuity. So.. PRK it was.

As painless as this procedure was, I am still waiting for the worst to come. I wasn't sensitive to light right away coming out of the laser suite, but as the numbing drops and Percocet faded, I felt more and more the stinging pain on my eyes. Fantastic. They give me 4 days until they take the shielding contact lenses. I only hope I can survive until then. I have to say its been pretty cool having a caregiver watch over me and drive me when I'm drugged. It was such a beautiful day too, and the sun turned into an enemy :( I like this not wearing glasses thing... I just can't wait to be off of the eye drops. I absolutely hate taking medicine.

I have to be pretty ridiculous to be on here looking at a screen, but good thing I don't need my eyes to type now don't I? It's ok, because... "I wear my sunglasses at night so I can so I can..."

**edit**
2 Days after the surgery... I forgot the initial reason I had named this blog Surgery Season was because this entire week, my grandfather had just had a heart attack that required a triple bypass surgery (of which he thankfully survived) and my cousin was also up against what turned out to be a prolactinoma -- benign tumor in the pituitary gland, again, thankfully she didn't have to undergo surgery.

As for me, I am bored just trying to close my eyes all day, and my body isn't made for sleeping all the time EVEN WITH narcotic drugs... I'd much rather be awake doing something. I lie awake in the wee hours of the morning wishing it was already breakfast time. My roommate left for the weekend to enjoy Seattle and the Patriots-Seahawks game as well, of that I'm a bit jealous having to sit around and do practically nothing. My friend Rebecca was cool enough to remember my love for fried chicken and she brought over a bucket of KFC to enjoy with me before I would drug again and go to sleep.

Tonight I'm headed back across the ferry with my caregiver Shannan... we are going to stay in Bremerton, WA tonight to make sure I get to my post-op appointment on time. They will hopefully then remove the bandage contact lens from my eyes and I can work on healing the corneal abrasion merely by blinking a lot. It will be a step back as far as vision goes for a day, but then hopefully I'll be back to driving/cooking/living mode soon after.

Gotta love modern technology, eh?

Note To Self:

Do not wear pants to a step class that turns out to be a "step"ish/plyo class.

Rust

I have used up several hours of my god-given life to reminisce on many photos, being far away from friends and family... and I've realized that having many possessions, I don't get many chances to wear or use what I have.

For instance, all my jewelry! I spend all week wearing a flight suit and boots. What is happening to all of my metallic earrings, clothes, and messes of things? Booooo.

Passing through.

I'm surrounded by many, yet still feel alone. I don't really want that feeling anymore.

Made it past the doubt

Didn't think I could make the drive alone, actually sharing my parents' concern, but I faked it well, didn't I? It proves that I can be truly independent without knowing MCMAPP!

I can't upload pictures, so I thought I'd give the quick rundown on the trip across the country of which I wasn't able to meet up with anyone en route as a result of bad timing and bad route placement.

Monday
I thought my initial 4 hours were going to be the toughest to get through without falling asleep. To my luck, some dude was changing the traffic lights on Blue Angel and Lillian which held up 7am traffic. Also, Mobile was under numerous flash flood warnings and driving slow through lots of water was a good way to keep me awake. Naturally, it took an hour and a half to get out of the city.

Getting to Mesquite wasn't that bad. It actually went shorter than I had anticipated.

Tuesday
I left Mesquite that morning and making it through the beltway was the longest. Even longer was the drive up northern TX, New Mexico, and Colorado. I took the non-major highway route, which stopped me every 45 min it seemed. It really gets annoying to go from 70mph down to 30mph everytime you pass thru a podunk Texan town.

In NM, I drove next to the fiercest lightning I have ever seen, accompanied by Black Death playing games in the clouds. I stayed talking on the cell phone to get my mind off of the death show in front of me.

Entering Colorado was beautiful... thinner air for my weaker car and weaker lungs, but breathtaking scenery.

Wednesday
Sightseeing day. Went to the Air Force Academy and saw the beautiful chapel, truly an architectural masterpiece. Everything from the stained glass to the organ to the meanings behind every single detail was magnificent. Luckily, the cadets were having their weekly Wednesday formation/parade. I remember how much it sucked to do that for pass and reviews, but these guys do it weekly?? Oh well, it was a great chance to listen to the old band marches, hum along, and reminisce the counterturn.

Garden of the Gods was next, as I opted for the bus tour this time. Didn't feel like walking around in the sun, but the rocks were very impressive. Got some souvenirs too. Love shopping!

Finally went to the Us Olympic Training Complex located in the heart of the city. I spent half the time in the gift shop wondering what to get from the Beijing 08 games. Most of the athletes were visiting home so it wasn't very full, but we did get a special tour inside the huge shooting range.

Chipotle. Enough said. Wish I could have stayed to go to Invesco Field for the Obama acceptance speech though, but alas I was on the road while the musical numbers were still opening.

Thursday
Not much to say about Idaho except that I was driving alongside the Oregon Trail (I didn't get dysentery though!) and that it smelled like manure. The Aggie portion of VT if you will. Also lots of modern windmills. I'm used to seeing the pinwheel ones from Holland so these were kind of, sophisticated.

Friday
I was not impressed by Oregon and didn't even realize I was going to have to go through the state until I passed the state line. That was surprising. The evergreens in Washington were such a refreshing sight to see after so many dust storms and plains in the previous legs.

First time I hit traffic was entering Seattle. As I got closer and closer to the west coast, the clouds were more frequent and the temperature got colder. Eventually found my hotel and caught up with Lauren!

She exposed me to the Asian culture embedded in the city and its different neighborhoods. I was pleased. We went to Fremont for the night, which sounded like a gang country, but it was actually pretty cool. More Thai food for her roommates, a bar where I paid way too much money for Magic Mike's tricks, and a cake shop open til late. I'm glad that her roommates and friends are just as crazy as they should be, so that made my inner crazy-loud come out after a week of talking only to my intuitive cat.

It has certainly been a while since I've been in an elevator.

Saturday
VT vs ECU.. its a close game.
Downtown and musicfest and Washingtonians!

The Worst Day Ever

"Woman Dies in Boating Accident"

An Israeli woman who had been in Pensacola about a year and planned to leave next week was killed Sunday when she fell from a boat.
Advertisement

Michal Elboim, 24, was sitting on the bow of a 24-foot pontoon boat when she fell into Perdido Bay and was hit by the boat's propeller, said Stan Kirkland, a Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission spokesman.

Elboim worked for the Pensacola Jewish Federation as a goodwill ambassador, promoting Israel to the Jewish and gentile communities, said Chip Merritt, the federation's president.

A memorial service is set for 7 p.m. Wednesday at Temple Beth-El at 800 North Palafox St., Rabbi Leonard Zukrow said.

For more information about the service, call the federation at 434-7992.

She had plans to leave Pensacola and the United States on Aug. 5, do some traveling then return to her country, Merritt said.

"The people who worked closest with her, we are all devastated," Merritt said. "We obviously are saddened. We are shocked. We don't know anything else about what happened other than it was a tragic accident."

The accident happened shortly before 3:30 p.m. south of the Lillian Bridge at Innerarity Point.

Ten people were on the boat. Four are military personnel from Pensacola Naval Air Station and Whiting Field Naval Air Station. The others are civilians, Kirkland said.

The accident happened as a man on the boat was trying to show a woman how to pilot it and as Elboim sat on the bow with a man, Kirkland said.

"With (the boat) moving, apparently it all happened within a second or two," Kirkland said.

Alcohol is not believed to have played a role in the accident, Kirkland said.

Exactly what caused Elboim to fall remains under investigation.

"We strongly discourage people from riding on the bow, because if you fall off, you are on the path to be run over," Kirkland said. "It's possibly the most dangerous place you can be on a vessel."

FWC officers can issue a citation to the operator of a boat for allowing people to ride on a boat's bow.

Kirkland said it's too early in the investigation into Sunday's accident to know whether anyone will be cited for anything.

"They are still sorting things out," he said.

Elboim was helped back into the boat after she fell and was taken to a private boat dock in the 5400 block of North Shore Road, Innerarity Point Fire Chief Jim Pokrandt said.

"She had massive lacerations to the left side of her body," Pokrandt said.

Jim Gerritsen, 45, who owns the dock and is a North Shore Road resident, was outside and could hear the people on the boat yelling for help.

Art Lami, 45, a paramedic and Gerritsen's neighbor, also could hear them.

Lami said people on the boat started cardiopulmonary resuscitation on Elboim, and he also tried to resuscitate her after they made it to the dock.

Firefighters and Emergency and Medical Services paramedics took over trying to revive Elboim after they arrived on scene.

A helicopter was called to transport Elboim to the hospital, but in the end it was not needed.

She was pronounced dead at the scene.

"They did all they could," Gerritsen said of all who tried to save the woman. "It's just a shame."





Rest in Peace, Michal. You brought so much joy and light to the world. It is a dimmer place without you. We love you and miss you very much.

Their version of Freedom vs MY version

"Livin' the dream..."

I have heard these words for the past two years going through flight training... goin' to school but also enjoying the life as a student aviator-in-training here in the lovely sun and sands of Pensacola. A couple of months ago, these words were re-introduced my way in another light: LTD.

LTD talks about livin' the dream, pursuing a business and eventually getting to a point of freedom. It educates and assists those who are looking for a way to get residual income by "doing the work once" and watching it grow.

I've definitely learned that aviators really live up to Work Hard, Play Hard. We study and work hard in our field to get the best out of life and even though we endure hardships of separation and things like that, we get to go out and defend an even bigger freedom, the freedom of this great country.

So lately, I've been thinking. As I sit here and listen to these Kates of fellow IBOs who are "living the dream" as well while they greet us as workers in the office, cubicle, or running errands, I feel like I am already living the dream. I feel like I am already on the road I want to be for the time being, and as the journey in my career gets bigger and better and more challenging, its worth the challenge. It's been so hard to get the motivation to accomplish these simple tasks as to help me in my business partly because I'm nowhere near anyone from the team who took me. I also feel that after SERE, I'm going to have to work even harder and won't have time to do these QIs and whatever else. This month I have been struggling on even completing a DITTO because I do a horrible job of keeping up with vitamin supplements that I'm really not even sure fly with the Navy. So not fulfilling my quota for the month just shows how I'm not really up to this and I want to say "See ya later" for the time being... just until I finish my career in the Navy and really have nothing else to do but open a business. Because who knows, I may already be satisfied with the way things are going. That's how I feel now!

And to prove it... I was soft winged today:



One of the last T-2 classes to go through CTW-6 before they send it away. Champagne and ice cold water never tasted so good, especially in 92 deg weather. It feels good to finally be finished with a year plus of training... tis time to move northwest!

Lolo's legacy

I wish I knew my Lolo.

June's almost over...

So as the month of June is coming to a close, the focus of the squadron is to quickly get our class finished, ready, and booted out the door. We're doing 7-day flight ops which is killing planned social time. However, with an excess of towering cumulus clouds in the Mobile area, we've briefed many missions but have been able to execute and complete none.


If this bucket were my Point A, this is what would happen.

But because of all the cancellations (after early wakeups), it leaves room to work on accomplishing the day trips I've never been able to do while living here during flight school. For example, I was able to get on a pontoon boat in the bay and discover Fort Pickens, an area across from the beach of which no one has access to unless you have a vessel of some sort. It was cool to be able to explore this fort in nothing but a bikini... I guess you can't really plan to sightsee around here, it just happens.

I guess the most random thing that happened this weekend was the bachelorette party. I wasn't really expecting to be doing anything really big, but the night turned into a penis-carrying ordeal which attracted mostly everybody who came into contact with our buddy "Wang Chen". He received many signatures and danced in at least 3 bars in Downtown Pensacola. Of course he belongs to Miss Sarah... but the rest of us girls (and even boys) had quite a few chances to wave this thing around and attract attention... not to mention a few free shots! (Sadly, I did not feel ANY effects from the alcohol due to the mass amounts of butter and MSG in my Japanese hibachi dinner)





The power of a woman with a penis is amazing.


On another random note, there was a baptism at church this morning and as the altar boy was lighting the candle and gave them "the light", immediately I thought back to the time where I was holding the lighted candle (lit..? lighted..?) and nobody had even noticed that my baby sister was really close to the flame--close enough to reach out, touch it, and CRY.

Alright son... I'm out for the night. Peace.

Prepare for Awesomeness!

I am typing this VERY SLOWLY.

Everything part of my forearms are very weak because of waterskiing and attempted wakeboarding.

Prepare for awesomeness!



I am very tired, but I want to go out. But I am too lazy. Ahhh... decisions, decisions, decisions.

The first FAM was pretty interesting. Like being back in a T-6 again! I've got 2 flights to Tallahassee on Sunday.

I really hope I can finish up to keep having vacations like this... getting sore is great especially when you're getting tan and dreaming about moving to a new place!

Well, I've got nothing else to say so... Until the next. Toodles!

(Sorry for the randomness... I know I promised awesomeness.)

America isnt like it used to be...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Wl5qRq0hgE&feature=related

This is horrible! What has America become? Somebody gets hit by a car and nobody even bothers to help him!

Cars on the road drive by just to take a peek, then keep going.

Bystanders group up to look at what happened... the victim seems to have cracked his skull and and is bleeding... yet nothing is done. No one rushes to check his condition or even to call an ambulance!

They all wait until the police car pulls up and takes care of the situation. But that's a sad display of how America has become. The morals aren't there, the citizenship--no one wants to be a good samaritan?

It's gotten so off that neighbors don't even know their own neighbors anymore! We preach and we preach, but we don't act as we say... its just really really sad.

It is about time that America again look to regain its compassion for others, or else we no longer will be that Free Country, where our civil liberties are handed to us on a silver platter, more or less. We sure take many things for granted, sometimes disgusting me.


HOW TO CATCH WILD PIGS

A Chemistry professor in a large college had exchange students in the class.

One day in class, the Professor noticed one young man (exchange student) who kept rubbing his back, and stretching as if his back hurt.

The professor asked the young man what was the matter. The student told him he had a bullet lodged in his back. He had been shot while fighting communists in his native country who were trying to overthrow his country's government and install a new communist government.

In the midst of his story he looked at the professor and asked a strange question. He asked, 'Do you know how to catch wild pigs?'

The professor thought it was a joke and asked for the punch line. The young man said this was no joke. 'You catch wild pigs by finding a suitable place in the woods and putting corn on the ground. The pigs find it and begin to come everyday to eat the free corn. When they are used to coming every day, you put a fence down one side of the place where they are used to coming. When they get used to the fence, they begin to eat the corn again and you put up another side of the fence. They get used to that and start to eat again. You continue until you have all four sides of the fence up with a gate in the last side. The pigs, who are used to the free corn, start to come through the gate to eat, you slam the gate on them and catch the whole herd. Suddenly the wild pigs have lost their freedom. They run around and around inside the fence, but they are caught. Soon they go back to eating the free corn. They are so used to it that they have forgotten how to forage in the woods for themselves, so they accept
their captivity.

The young man then told the professor that is exactly what he sees happening to America . The government keeps pushing us toward socialism and keeps spreading the free corn out in the form of programs such as supplemental income, tax credit for unearned income, tobacco subsidies, dairy subsidies, payments not to plant crops , welfare, medicine, drugs, etc. while we continually lose our freedoms - just a little at a time.

One should always remember: There is no such thing as a free Lunch! Also, a politician will never provide a service for you cheaper than you can do it yourself.

In this "very important" election year, listen closely to what the candidates are promising you - just maybe you will be able to tell who is about to slam the gate on America.

"A government big enough to give you everything you want, is big enough to take away everything you have."

Thomas Jefferson

What Happened to Pochacco?

Amazing how my mind works. About a week ago, I discovered my cat had the fastest bug killing reflexes I've ever seen. I would just leave him on the porch and by the time I let him in for some fixins, there were at least 5 flying roaches dead or lying helpless on their backs. Fitz, my cat, doesn't even have front claws. He sucker punched them with his soft little paws...

Anyways, a few days ago I started noticing little things that I described in my head as "dead maggots" in random places around the apartment. I would be picking up parts of cat food around his plate and find another "maggot", throw it in the trash, thinking it was some sort of poop or something. I thought then it must be some sort of weird bug feeding on my cat's skin, so I quickly looked up pictures of fleas... luckily the pictures weren't anything close--these were much bigger than a flea.

Yesterday, my cat had been running up and down the apartment, chasing what I would call a sudden outbreak of houseflies. I thought it was due to the one big housefly that inadvertently flew in 2 nights prior and I just wasn't able to let it out. I was seriously scared that this thing would have babies or something, but I couldn't seem to find it.

So here I am, with a magazine, my cat and I tag teaming in the apartment, killing these flies that just came out of nowhere. I would find groups of them just hanging around the window screen... some would find its way to the litterbox... it was just so odd to have them all in the house at once. Every once in a while, I'd find a couple of them dead on the carpet--thanks to Fitz's cat powers.

Just now, another surge of curiosity kicks in and I'm thinking I gotta find out what those "maggots" were. So I Wikipedia the common housefly, and lo and behold, theres a picture down the page of fly pupae. The "dead maggots"! Apparently they were still alive and ready to come out! How was I discarding them? Picking them up with my bare hands, inspecting them, and dumping them into the trashcan. They probably found their fountain of youth in the garbage. Silly ol' me. They birthed themselves and grew which explained the sudden rise in population. So after looking at these pictures, I grew sick and typed in the first happy site that came to mind. SANRIO!

Which brings me to my next question... Hello Kitty and her friends are all over the page, but what happened to Pochacco????

Evil Mad Ducks

So I know why everyone in my class is acting so laid-back, nonchalant, lackadaisical, lazy, just so blah lately...

We're all getting pay raises and new ranks in a matter of days.
People we know are actually getting winged.
It's Memorial Day Weekend which marks the beginning of summer fun in the sun.
We're almost done!


To celebrate, here's a wonderful nature video I took of some ducks.



Stay classy.

Whidbey Island, Here I Come

Congratulations!

You have been selected for the EA-6B Prowler




No shit, this is what was written on the letter inside the soggy envelope I received after a tiring sumo wrestling match in the rain and slip'n'slide race.

I'm the blue one! And I won (I couldn't see it though while I was actually in the suit)

But anyways, we had a great selection. Not everyone got what they wanted, but I'm sure everyone will learn to love their gray jet in the end--we'll all be doin cat shots off a carrier and it'll be a great experience.

About the longest vacation in town I've had so far and I must say... procrastination and laziness were pretty much married this weekend. On top of that I became a poor person and learned to live off of dollars and cents. Really. I was also able to get an almost-perfect bronze tan at the beach. So this is how it felt back in A-pool. it's all coming back to me now...

This is next. The mighty OLD T-2 Buckeye. 9 sims and 12 flights in this 50-year-old baby and I'll be moving on to bigger and better things.

As for the deeper, I still find myself in many pickles. There's the question of career vs business, relationship with god, relationship with people, and my own personal goals. Sometimes I wish I had an continuous stream of encouragement bursting into my ear. Something to kick Procrastination's ass.

Any ideas are welcome.

This week, sunlight and fresh air is an option

Ahh.. yes. I've entered the week from hell. I'm trying to be available this week, but I'll be living in the simulators all week, putting in at least 10 hours a day. Sick, huh?

On a good note, I select in 2 weeks, I get paid in 2 weeks, I also promote (on paper) in 2 weeks. And my business is slowly getting there... I just wish I could buy more time, eh?

But we all wish that.

Here's another photo for your pleasure-seeking self.

Short, brief, but bittersweet

Whew.... I've had my break and then hit Reattacks ground school hard the Friday I went up to VA for the visit/meeting. You know its truly a business meeting when you have to schedule the time you have on "vacation". I am so glad I was able to meet the team
and absorb something bigger than myself. There were so many great people out there all striving to do the same thing and help one another become successful. So many great people to work with and a lot with different backgrounds and talents. It was also great to surprise the mother at midnight (she had no idea her belated wedding anniversary gift was coming at midnight, especially in human form). The reaction photos of mom were quite great... I crawled into her bedroom right after my dad entered and she thought I was my little sister ("...what are you doing crawling? Crazy...") then wrapping around the far side of the bed, I jumped onto the spot next to her and she took 2 seconds to look at me, then realized who I was and proceeded with the dropped jaw and squeal/scream. Twas great.


Is laughing while your mom is still in shock acceptable? Or offensive?

The XS chugging contest was a pretty sweet idea too... although I don't recall ever chugging down anything carbonated after doing the Dizzy Izzy on the baseball bat, it was fun to have a girls' team attempt what I like to call a "Man skill" in itself. I do have to say the highlights from our team was watching Chris Mamaril (quite reminiscent of Chris Kattan's Mango



Plus our Guzzlin Gobblers team was pretty sweet! I haven't seen spirit like that in a while, so the guys the wigs and Hokie Bird costume pumped me up when their intro song was Enter the Sandman! Didn't win, but hey, neither did we. (I mean, who practices chugging?)





The visit was short, brief, but bittersweet. I feel a lot in tune with my family and its easier for us to become more open because we see so little of each other. With the sister going off to college finally, I guess that's why my parents are trying to hang on to every piece of father/motherhood they have while we're present.

Now, with everything that I've learned this weekend, I just wish I could apply it as soon as possible. But just like karma, I have a time crunch and new material with this Strike/Fighter syllabus, and I must once again work on time management. Constant battle... I really wonder how I can pull this business off (granted its my first stages) with flight school almost over and the real job not too far off? It's my pace, but I'm waiting for an open hole so I can expand and have it work for me, because right now... I'm still at the bottom not living up to my weekly goals.

I need more time... I have enough motivation!

Tell Your Parents You Love Them

I just got a call from a friend saying that one of our mutual friends' father just suffered a brain hemmorhage. There were no signs on tests leading into this eruption, I don't think it could have been prevented.

The friend who called attended his father's funeral 3 months ago.

Tell your parents [and everyone close to you] that you love them. At any moment, we could lose them. I know I will... everyday on the phone.

Beer bottle

Sometimes I don't remember the things I write about.
But I was reading some old stuff, and I once compared myself to a beer bottle.

"...Tough exterior, with an emotional interior of a woman to boot.
When shaken, the pressure is too much and then I just want to explode."

Well, I feel more like a water bottle.
My shell is wearing thin and I feel more vulnerable.
I think that is a mistake in the business I'm in.

And... I don't know why but I feel so down in the dumps. I need someone to make me laugh so hard I start hyperventilating. Maybe its just as simple as having a jam session. I dunno.

Aside from sounding so emo, it's April and springtime: almost time to be done with this biznatch.



Happy 1 year anniversary to the start of Flight School Class 0724!

Decisions that aren't Mine to be made

I feel a bit useless.

Maybe it's because my good friend went behind a lot of people's backs and did something that we all do not approve of. There is nothing we can do to stop it and apparently, our advice or input would not have mattered if we had been able to have a say in it.

I feel a bit useless.

What Is To Be

It wasn't until yesterday as I was flipping through a Taste of Home catalog when it dawned on me -- have I really gone this far and not had one of those reality checks? But even doing so, it just makes me turn into this almost-depressed whiny girl with a glisten of optimism for hope.

The pictures in the catalog of the great Napa scenes and surrounded by the presence of a couple of married folks and girls with boyfriends... you know, its like this unwarranted emotion that wears you down. Its when you look over and your very best friend gets that E-Z Bake Oven you've always wanted, you can't help but be jealous and act happy for them at the same time. So I've now been dreaming of the styles, the decor, the house and the view... the potential husbands and even the dream jobs. It is a scary thing when my current career field doesn't even register into the vision. The "glitz and glamour" that accompanies the bomb-dropping description is losing its sparkle which really worries me. I just wish there was a way for me to stay motivated because having myself try to convince me seems to be a battle I am slowly losing.

They say surround yourself with good people, I am doing my best... but what do you do when they are growing up around you faster than you are and you're still in college?

The Light

Is it innocence we see?
Is it what we hide that is "exposed" at day?
For it is the light that falls into revelation...

It is at dusk where second face is left defenseless.
As it is, the light that shines over all now shines over few.
Very different, but wrong of honesty and vulnerability.

Fun in the sun? ...Where is it?

Well, as I type this, I am currently waiting for 6:30 to roll around so I can grab some Thai cuisine before I end up passing out. I don't intend to pass out, however, so I plan to mitigate that with alcohol to make me happy-go-lucky.

This Key West det was not what I was expecting, but then again I didn't have any high expectations coming into this thing. My class flew as a group of observers on Sunday and we were put to work on the 3rd cycle the following day. "Lucky" for me, I had a female instructor. Not a very good for the first radar nav flight, but that's what flight school is about--we keep learning from our mistakes. The det was supposed to move our flight ops down south-er for good weather. But by the time we rolled around, the weather that was supposed to hit Pensacola ended up hitting the southern tip of the Florida peninsula. So whatever we were trying to escape wasn't really escapable. I just think we moved down here to spend money on jet skiing in the winter and getting tan (at least for those first-week guys). We are also doing a K-court tomorrow night which is like a dining-in, but more grown-up I suppose...

I am actually feeling a little homesick... Valentines' Day is tomorrow which really doesn't mean anything to me (its purely commercial) but I also kind of miss my kitty. I'm sure the guys down here are hurting because they are missing their wives for the holiday... and its another taste of military life. Plus Erin and Tom are in town! I wonder how they are doing as they pass through the city towards the great city of Jacksonville.

Just heard of the Prowler crash off the coast of Guam the other day... and this is why we practice these non-standard ops, these contingencies, these emergency procedures, these briefs... day in and day out...

The Reaction Videos were how I caved in

Out of 5 full people, one marine joined me in witnessing one of the most rancid videos of our generation.

2 girls, 1 cup.

We ate a brownie the instant before the viewing, and my reaction was a mixture of laughter and "ewwwww"ing.

No puking. GOOD JOB!

Timing is Everything

Ahh.... time.

The world depends on time. It has been on the minds of great physicists, cartographers, philosophers, scientists, and other great people who seek to explain this basic component which plays such an important part in our lives.

As an Naval Flight Officer, so much depends on timing. In earlier stages of training, we were taught the skills to get from one place to the target. Then you learn to incorporate other factors into your calculations such as the winds, climbs and descents, fuel burn, emergencies, and then other real world contingencies. And in dealing with these unfavorable circumstances, we've got to use tools from the toolbox to fix ourselves, get back on course and drop the bombs on target, on time.

Timing, as you have probably experienced yourself, plays a major part in everyday life as well. I will skip the examples of normal everyday occurrences (like being late to work) and skip to the part where it totally messes with your game.

By game, I mean relationships. Seen that movie Serendipity? Crazy timing in that movie with the characters there. And another thing... I demand to know why I am attracted to unavailable men and not to the single? Is my biological clock ticking? I refuse to believe that is so--I am still considerably young, although the need for women my age to settle down has grown since I've hit young adulthood. I'm still sticking with my plan for 28. That better work, or I will marry Aaren.

Timing is everything... and if you screw up the plan, you've got to figure out a way to get back on the time line, back on to COURSE.

86

First of all let me say my cat is high-strung. He scratches and bites me like crazy.




I'm RST (Radar Simulator Training) complete and ready for the Key West Det starting next week for 2 weeks. We'll be doing canned radar and low levels down there to escape the Pensacola weather this February... a chance for us to be exposed to an unfamiliar field and operations... 75 deg weather, here we come!

As a tribute to the T-2 and their 50th anniversary (and their due replacement the T-45), the squadron did an 8 man echelon flyby and I was asked to video tape their takeoff as well as the 2 practice flybys. It was pretty awesome getting to stand in the middle of the field (of a field that I normally fly out of) and get pushed by the gusty gusty wind. My hands were frozen solid after that taping.

I'm excited. Mainly because I kicked butt on my RST-3 after I didn't do too well with the other ones. This will be fun... I can feel it.

My very own man friend

January 2nd, 2008 - the day after I arrived home from New York

I searched Pensacola
for a kitten
and in the process
I had a milkshake, but...

I found the black kitten.

He was the third one I held
and he reminded me of Socks,
the first cat I read about in school.

So he came home with me
with Auntie Sandy's help,
and he whined
and he whined
and sounded just like the little baby in the track used in
Aalilyah's "Are You That Somebody?"

While he explored the new abode,
I soon realized I didn't block off all the holes in the kitchen...
He found a spot under the dishwasher and it took us 2 hours to get him out.
Then we noticed he was sneezing.
Perhaps the work of the sawdust?

He would NOT STOP SNEEZING. Like... 10 sneezes in one giggity-go.

The next day, I put him in the cardboard box and took him to the vet on base.
Because I left one flap inside the box, it was not fully secure....
and he whined
and he scratched
and he broke through the cardboard whilst in a moving vehicle.
I pulled a Britney and drove with the baby on my lap... just kidding.

Vet says he's sick, he's got a wormie.
So the hardest thing so far has been trying to trick him.
Trick him into eating green pills that happen to taste nasty.

He's a smart one. Lazy, yet smart one.

However, I'm going to try to dumb down the intelligence.